Three years ago I began the long trek to get a professional doctorate in ministry from Mercer University.   Like many other “DMin students” (as we are called), I had to figure out what project I was going to research, execute, and write about in my ministry at Trinity Baptist.  At the time I was leading a small grief support group that morphed into a caregivers support group.  We had roughly a dozen caregivers, many of whom were caring for their aging parents or their spouses.

It seemed logical to focus my doctorate thesis on how to help caregivers grow in their relationship with God while they provided care for their loved ones.

What I found out at the start of the project was transformational.  I learned that nearly one out of every four households in America have some kind of caregiving situation.  I also learned that women make up a majority of caregivers, and that many of them care for their mothers in particular.  The caregivers at Trinity Baptist fit the national trend, and I found myself ministering to many women who cared day in and day out for their mothers.

I plunged into my work and continued to build relationships with these selfless and godly women of faith who care day in and day out for their care receivers.  I helped them cope with their own stress and “caregiver burden” while also ministering to their ailing loved ones.  As time passed, however, more of our care receivers started to get sick and pass away.  One year in particular, Trinity had three funerals within six months for mothers who had depended on their adult children.

We lost others as well since then: spouses, infants, grandparents, and the like.  With every elder who passed, I found myself grieving with our caregivers and found it even more difficult to return to my doctorate work.  I felt (and feel) at times that I was treating all of these situations like some distant researcher, as if our caregivers were mere lab mice or something.

This struck me hard this past year because, while entering into my fourth and last year of my doctorate, Trinity had three more care receivers pass away, two of whom I became very close to before their deaths.  In fact, it was only two weeks ago that I called one of the caregivers who lost a mother recently and let her know that I missed her mother with the most profound sense of grief.

Mother’s Day is a very special day for many of us.  Tomorrow we will have special worship services, lunches, and dinners to honor the many moms who have cared for us over the years.  Yet, my work with caregivers over the years reminds me that there will be just as many people who will grieve the loss of their mothers tomorrow and will find themselves tearing up before they go to bed and face work on Monday.  Our families and churches should carve out time to recognize those mothers who have passed on and left a legacy to so many people throughout our community.   There are many who will grieve, so we might as well do it together.

With this, my inaugural article, I would like to let those of you who have lost a mother know that the Lord will be present with you in the midst of your grief and crying with you in the shadow of your darkest hour.  I will be praying for you, and Trinity Baptist family will be praying for you too.